


Shit...

by Shoehole



Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: Alternate Ending, Character Death, Cutting, Depression, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide, season two, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:13:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28031445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shoehole/pseuds/Shoehole
Summary: My name is Bojack Horseman and I made a mistake... nobody can held me... I’m really fucked now...
Kudos: 8





	Shit...

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is really just a vent fic that I felt that I needed to do, this story deals with some heavy topics such as self harm that I advise you to be aware of before proceeding.   
> Otherwise, I hope you enjoy the fic :)

Shit... shit shit shit... I didn't mean to cut that deep... now I'm laying here in the tub, the water's gone all russet tinted and I'm really freaking the fuck out. I feel so fucking stupid, I don't even know why I've been doing this, I've got all I could want, no reason to feel sad, no reason to feel sorry for myself, I honestly don't think that anything could make me happier. Maybe that's why I'm doing this? I've been miserable for so long that I've forgotten how to be happy, making the contentment in my life feel sort of wrong in a way. My sadness, my self pity, has always been such a big part of who I am, and despite this being theoretically bad I feel it defines who I am. People like me because I can relate to their own sad, sub par lives, giving them the illusion that I'm funny, my misery makes me funny and I feel as if I lose that, then I can no longer be funny, people won't like me. Anyways I'm done ranting about that... that's stupid yeah? Concepts like these are stupid, it's stupid how people create words and mindsets to get themselves trapped in to make themselves even more miserable. I'm just going to stop thinking, instead I'll watch the blood flow from my ankles into the water, swirling down in a waterfall like affect, staining the water a deeper colour of dull crimson as the stench of iron fills the air. Why did I even do this on my ankles? That's another stupid thing, people aren't supposed to cut their ankles, I probably did it because I was just too pussy to do it to my wrists. If I actually wanted to die I would've done it to my wrists I suppose... but I don't, I don't want to die, and as I'm laying here in a bathtub that's staining my fur with my own blood I fear that I might die.I let out a long sigh, cocking my head back as I closed my eyes, my ankles are itchy as fuck right now.... not painful, just itchy. Honestly I think the itchiness is worse than pain, I'd rather it sting.As I'm laying here I start to lose track of time, it's alright though, I don't care, my brain feels really light and now my foots throbbing. I open my eyes and examine the marigold fat bubbling out of the deep wound while blood continues to pour from it, the sight is enough to make me sick.After a good moment I close my eyes again, a slight ringing in my ears is now present, the silence had become almost defining as the world spun around me. The panic hasn't yet set in, though I'm sure I need to do something, maybe tell somebody? I don't fucking know, I wasn't prepared for this at all. I tell myself that I'm not going to tell anybody, I'll be fine, I'm sure I'll be fine... I sigh, even with these thoughts I find myself opening my mouth, "Todd?" I call out weakly, it takes all my strength to keep my voice from wavering, though my voice was still anything but bold.There was no answer so I decided to try again, "Todd!" I repeated, my voice was firmer this time, though not with anger, rather with desperation instead.As I waited I looked back down to my leg, to the yellow tissue spilling out as blood clots continued to fall from the open wound and into the bath tub, the unbearable aroma of the metallic blood filling my nose as I kept my head tilted back and closed my eyes... nobodies coming... maybe I'll just take a nap.  
I sigh, when I wake up I'll be completely... I'll be completely fine, I thought as my train of thought grew foggy. I close my eyes and take a deep breath in as the sound of the door knob beginning to rattle grew echoed. Wait... why was the door knob rattling? Shit it's Todd... I locked the door...   
"Bojack?" I could hear his voice, it was faint and I didn't have the energy to reply, "Bojack what is it?" He questioned, his voice just sounded confused, there was no hint of concern... no nothing.  
I let my mouth hang slightly agape, I wanted to reply but all that came out was a sickly groan of exhaustion as I kept my eyes closed and let the peaceful drowsiness wash over me...   
I don't remember anything else... that's it... that's my story... and now it's over.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This fic was written from personal experience and it really means a great deal to me.  
> I hope that if you feel the need to cut you can talk to a trusted adult so that you can avoid a situation like this.


End file.
